I’ve got a mad attraction to intelligent yoga programming, so when I heard that Matthew Remski would be teaching at the Colorado School of Yoga the same time I was visiting, I jumped at the chance to attend. Someone who knows me well said I’d really be into his teaching, despite not knowing much about him or his work, except that he has an ability to start conversations. Being one with the pot stirrers, I couldn’t say no. Looking back, I had no idea I’d come out of the workshop with both new found knowledge and a hefty side dish of mixed emotions–one of which had me questioning if I was equipped to be teaching yoga.

Remski’s work started when he was injured in a yoga class through a hands-on assist he received from his teacher, something that he didn’t address with his teacher after class. A barrage of questions and self-inquiry developed as a result. Why didn’t he feel he had the space to talk to his teacher about the injury he caused? Why did he have feelings of wanting the teacher to adjust the asana when they were practicing it on the other side? Are these things that are happening in classes often, including the classes he was teaching? And ultimately, what is the psychology behind what is happening? As an Ayurvedic practitioner, yoga teacher and practitioner, author and natural born investigator, it turns out he was the right man for this job. After over 200 interviews with yoga teachers and students and countless hours of reading and researching, he’s uncovered some missing details about the recent 100 plus years or so of yoga.

I’m going to cut to the chase. Remski provided well-backed and documented information that says BKS Iyengar was physically abusive to his students, Pattabhi Jois sexually abused female students and Krishnamacharya inflicted corporal punishment, often as a public demonstration displaying his students’ strength. And not once or twice, but as an element of teaching. Remski referenced the term gaslighting. The term is used in psychology when someone manipulates another into self-doubt or to question their own sanity (a term I was only recently made familiar as it was used in media associated with Donald Trump during the debates). Victims of this kind of abuse often rationalize the way they are being treated–a teacher causing injury and the student rationalizing it as “for your own good” or as an accelerator on the path towards transcendence. We talked as a group about countertransference and how a teacher may be inflicting their own feelings or experiences onto their students. There were many discussions about yoga’s vertical and horizontal relationships between therapy and transcendence. We were encouraged to evaluate our own approach as yoga teachers. The topic was heavy and I began to wonder how I could teach yoga and be certain that my attempts to help guide people through movement and breathing would be effective knowing that the history was tainted.

…but there was light. I kept thinking about how fortunate I am to be a part of a community that is open to both hearing and discussing these things. I felt thankful for my natural draw to education and my desire to question things rather than to simply do something because someone else said so. I recalled the powerful experiences that yoga brought me that didn’t always involve a teacher. And just as I was calling into question if this path is right for me, our presidential election happened and our studio became a safe haven for people to grieve and discuss.

This work is necessary and so long as I am willing to continue self-study, I can be confident in my approach and my teaching. I’m committed to being the best teacher I can be, to self-evolution and to always knowing why I’m doing what I’m doing. As I’m willing to question, I’m willing to be wrong. My ears, eyes and heart are open.